I got a job, but should I be rejoicing?  If I accept the job offer am I giving up?  I definitely need the money, but…

I was laid off and surprise was absent.  My office was emptied of personal belongings long before the letter.  Incompetence has a stench that is hard to hide.  I knew that the organization that employed me was completely incompetent and we were not a fit for each other, but I couldn’t leave until I found another job.  My employment felt like slavery.  So when the layoff came initially I felt emancipated, until the bills came.

Even when employment feels like slavery freedom is scary

It has taken a year to get through these last 60 days.  Growth smiles, and laughs have filled the last 60 days with a worry looming over everything.  Last year I lost a job.  So I was hesitant to rely on a job for my main income.  Income should not be dependent on a job.  I needed to become dependent on my own skills and not dependent on an organization’s value of my skill.

For 60 days it seemed like every vibration of my phone was a bill collector or a rejection email.  Every account I have has been shut down, every bill is delinquent.  Every time something good happened, it seemed like something bad would happen to cancel it out.  My two months of unemployment this year was more intense than the 10 months last year.

Last year after I lost my job I released my book, “I am Church”, and went home to London on a tour, which was a great help.  But in the past 60 days with the help of my coach, Kymone Hinds, that money began to trickle in.  To gain dependence from a job I just needed to believe in myself and value what I bring to the table.  My growth in the past 60 days has been tangible.  Today, I believe in ME!

Today I believe in ME!

But, today I got a job.  Does that mean that I go backward?  Am I returning to dependence on employment income again?  Absolutely not!  It is not the time to reverse my recent growth.  When my job decides to drop me next, my legs will be strong enough to carry me.  More importantly, I will have confidence in them.

This trickle of money coming in, independent from my employment needs to grow into a stream of income.  That growth has sprung from discomfort.  The discomfort of now knowing where your next paycheck is coming from was a catalyst for growth.  The question is can that motivation exist with the comfort of having a guaranteed paycheck?

Imitation Discomfort

Honest answer:  I don’t know if it can be done.  Beyond can produce a plant-based burger that tastes delicious, and possibly be mistaken for meat.  Then I can keep the discomfort that has been eating me alive for the past two months in unemployment.  The necessity that led to growth must be recreated.  Even with a job, I can still believe in me.  Even with a job, I am going to keep the discomfort and the drive to get better that I had when I was unemployed.  The drive is the key.  The key that released me from slavery.

YES.  If I have the key I can be happy.  Returning to work is not returning to slavery… maybe

 

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